| "Wallie's Phsyco Bin" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Hehehe.....as the title suggests, this page is packed with fun happy phsyco info....ENJOY!! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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WHAT IF DR. SEUSS WROTE TECHNICAL MANUALS FOR COMPUTERS? If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! Watch out! "If you receive an email titled "It Takes Guts to Say 'Jesus' DO NOT OPEN IT ! It will erase everything on your hard drive. This information was announced yesterday morning from IBM; AOL states that this is a very dangerous virus, much worse than "Melissa", and that at this point in time there is NO remedy for it. Some very sick individual has succeeded in using the re-format function from Norton Utilities causing it to completely erase all documents on the hard drive. It has been designed to work with Netscape Navigator and Microsoft Internet Explorer. It destroys MacIntosh and IBM compatible computers.This is a new, very malicious virus which not many people know about.Pass this warning along to EVERYONE in your address book and please share it with all your online friends ASAP so that this threat may be stopped. Please practice cautionary measures and tell anyone that may have access to your computer. Forward this warning to everyone that might access the internet. Billy and Katie Billy loved Katie with all his heart. But he never told a Single soul. Katie secretly loved him too. But she thought she would never have a chance with him. Billy asked his friends what they think of her and his friends thought she was gay. They didn't like her at all. So Billy just went along with them. They all made fun of her and made her feel really bad. Katie was so upset. One day they followed her home from school making fun of her the whole way home. Once she got inside her house she dropped to the floor cringe. She had a crush on Billy since 3rd grade. She didn't know what to do. When Billy got home he felt real bad about what he had done. So he decided to go to Katie's house to tell her he was sorry and that he really loves her. When he got there he knocked on the door no one answered. The door was open so he walked in. He walked into the living room and found Katie lying dead on the floor. She had slit her wrists. Billy was so up set . He knew it was his fault she killed herself. And now he could never tell her how he really felt. The lesson of this story is: Dont wait to until the last minute to tell someone how you really feel. Because it just might be too late. And dont always go by what your friends say, follow your heart. EAST TO THE SEA, WEST TO THE LAND, DEATH TO THE IDIOT THAT TOUCHES MY MAN. According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He proceeded to take out a long-handled brush, dip it into the nearest toilet and scrub the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror. GRANDMA BOUGHT A BUMPER STICKER FOR HER OLD BUICK She writes: The other day I went to the local religious bookstore where I saw a "Honk if you REALLY love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, -- Just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. Why, it was like a football game with him shouting, "Go, Jesus Christ, Go!" In a clear, ringing voice, somebody behind him yelled "Move along for Christ's sake!" Then everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida. Back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I had recently asked my two grandsons what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and I stepped on the gas. It's a good thing I did, because I was the only car to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile, and held up the Hawaiian Good Luck sign as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Love ya all Grandma Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean) 10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.') 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.) 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.) 6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.) 5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.) 4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.) 1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male perspective thing.) *In response...The male perspective on the same issue... Top 10 rejection lines given by Men (and what they actually mean...) 10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.) 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.) 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.) 6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.) 5. I don't date women where I work.) (You're ugly.) 4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.) 2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.) 1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.) Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. -- Einstein | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Hehehe......those were nice and fun....how 'bout somemore? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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GRANDMA BOUGHT A BUMPER STICKER FOR HER OLD BUICK She writes: The other day I went to the local religious bookstore where I saw a "Honk if you REALLY love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, -- Just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. Why, it was like a football game with him shouting, "Go, Jesus Christ, Go!" In a clear, ringing voice, somebody behind him yelled "Move along for Christ's sake!" Then everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida. Back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and I saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I had recently asked my two grandsons what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and I stepped on the gas. It's a good thing I did, because I was the only car to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile, and held up the Hawaiian Good Luck sign as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Love ya all Grandma One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said. The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff." In 1967 while taking a class in photography at the University of >Cincinnati, became acquainted with a young man named Charles Murray who >also was a student at the school and training for the summer Olympics of >1968 as a high diver. Charles was very patient with me as I would speak >to him for hours about Jesus Christ and how He had saved me. Charles was >not raised in a home that attended any kind of church, so all that I had >to tell him was a fascination to him. He even began to ask questions >about forgiveness of sin. Finally the day came that I put a question to >him. I asked if he realized his own need of a Redeemer and if he was >ready to trust Christ as his own Savior. I saw his countenance fall and >the guilt in his face. But his reply was a strong "no." In the days >that followed he was quiet and often I felt that he was avoiding me, >until I got a phone call and it was Charles. He wanted to know where to >look in the New Testament for some verses that I had given him about >salvation. I gave him the reference to several passages and asked if I >could meet with him. He declined my offer and thanked me for the >scripture. I could tell that he was greatly troubled, but I did not >know where he was or how to help him. >Because he was training for the Olympic games, Charles had special >privileges at the University pool facilities. >Some time between 10:30 and 11:00 that evening he decided to go swim and >practice a few dives. It was a clear night in October and the moon was >big and bright. The University pool was housed under a ceiling of glass >panes so the moon shone bright across the top of the wall in the pool >area. Charles climbed the highest platform to take his first dive. >At that moment the Spirit of God began to convict him of >his sins. All the scripture he had read, all the occasions of >witnessing to him about Christ flooded his mind. He stood on the >platform backwards to make his dive, spread his arms to gather his >balance, looked up to the wall and saw his own shadow caused by the >light of the moon. It was the shape of a cross. He could bear the >burden of his sin no longer. His heart broke and he sat down on the >platform and asked God to forgive him and save him. He trusted Jesus >Christ twenty some feet in the air. Suddenly, the lights in the pool >area came on. The attendant had come in to check the pool. > >As Charles looked down from his platform he saw an empty pool which had >been drained for repairs. He had almost plummeted to his death, but the >cross had stopped him from disaster. 1 Corinthians 1:18 "For the >preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us >which are saved it is the power of God." (KJV) | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Hahaha......those were good religious ones, but now it's time ta go....we'll c-ya later! BYE! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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TO FIND MORE FUNNY PAGES AND LITTLE STORIES LIKE THESE YOU CAN SEARCH ON INTERNET SITES SUCH AS YAHOOLIGANS OR INFOSEEK. | !!!GOOD LUCK, PALS!!!
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